I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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