hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
