I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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