after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
