Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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