I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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