Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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