i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
