Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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