So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
