I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
