I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
