that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
