I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
