i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
