I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
