; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I want a musical about memes.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
