you traded sex for a burrito?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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