Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
