I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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