I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
