Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
