I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm passing your future prison.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
