I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
