Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
