Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
