the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize