Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Did I show you my penis last night?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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