Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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