My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We had to coat check the pizza.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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