Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i dont even know how to be here
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
