Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
