sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
