I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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