Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
