you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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