I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
