dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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