So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
