meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
