Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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