oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
