corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
