I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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