She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
