paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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