I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
