Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
