chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
