We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
