We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
