After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i dont even know how to be here
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
