My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
