no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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