She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You can't just leave with hair like that
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
