I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize