I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
