What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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