That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
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