I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
