I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
