I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
