I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
