Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
