oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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