How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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